Letting Go Of Winning

I don’t know about you, but I remember a relationship I had with the mother of my child where I was constantly arguing with her about what I considered were her stupid views about life and relationships.
When I look back at it now it said so much about how ill suited we were as a couple.
She was much more interested in looking good and presenting as though she were wealthy. It was all about the material things, whereas I was much more concerned with the type of person we were inside.
Much of the relationship was spent arguing with each other about who was right and who was wrong. And I remember thinking that she would one day see or learn that I knew what I was talking about.
Our relationship really consisted of little more than physical attraction.
We were good in the bedroom together but not at anything else.
In hindsight, now years later I realise that although I felt I loved her at the time, I didn’t like her very much and I seriously doubt that she liked me.
Although we had a child together early in our relationship, probably far too early for the wellbeing of our relationship, there was really nothing going on between us that was worthwhile.
It was just a constant battle, with two people who were in competition with each other. Not supporting each other or sharing the care of our child in a meaningful and nurturing way.
Well…needless to say that relationship didn’t last long. It was very painful, but when I look back at it now one of the things that jumps out at me was the share amount of time I spent arguing with someone who means little to me now.
She is still the mother of my child and my child will always mean the world to me but her mother means nothing personally to me (although she means a great deal to my child)
So why did I spend the time I did arguing with someone I should have been close to?
I did it because I didn’t know any better for me or my child or even for her.
I thought, stupidly that I knew more that her and that she would know that one day and come round to my way of thinking.
What a waste of time for all concerned, not least of all our child.
What I have now come to realise is that when your life is all about arguments, even if your argument is more thought out than theirs; even if you’re cleverer at arguing than your partner. It doesn’t make any difference in the end.
You’re not winning anything you’re all losing and it’s as simple and as sobering a thought as that.
I have learnt to let go of winning arguments or even trying to win arguments.
I’ve learnt that all I want to win our the people’s hearts that mean the world to me.

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