Category Archives: Teach by example

It’s My Child

Hov do you talk about your child?
How often have you heard parents talk about their child as if their child were more of a possession than a human being with the same wishes, feelings, dreams, hopes and aspirations that we all share.
There is often a tendency to see the child you care for or brought into this world with the other parent as totally yours.
Mothers sometimes because of the way motherhood is looked at in this society can be inclined to think and act as if there views are the only ones that count.
Obviously I’m not referring to all mothers, since many mothers do and want to share the care and parenting of their child with their partner or child’s father.
Some fathers also show a proclivity to present as though they are the only ones who know best for their son or daughter.
However, irrespective of your relationship with your child it’s important to bear in mind from their earliest age that your child needs to continually thought about as being their own person and both parents have a joint responsibility in caring for their child/ren.
The job of being a parent, will in my view always pose numerous challenges, but one of the key roles of a parent is to teach by example. In other words teach your child by the way you behave and live your life, how to grow into healthy, independent adulthood.
In order to do this well, I believe you have to be able to see your child’s needs, wishes, feelings etc. as being totally separate from yours. Equally, if you have more than one child you have to be able to recognise the different needs, personalities etc. of your children and keep their thoughts and feelings at the forefront of your mind consistently.
Now for most parents this is obvious, but there are parents who are not as able to see this as others.
We all have blind spots and there are people who may be so into themselves or so caught up in intense feelings following a separation that they simply can’t differentiate sufficiently their feelings from those of their child/ren.
How do you ensure that you keep your children’s wishes and feelings in mind?
Well, one way may be to think about yourself and the range of different wants and expectations you may have given any aspect of your life. This may help you to question yourself about how open you are to thinking about such matters in relation to your child.
Another possible helpful way of ensuring you remain mindful of your child’s wants etc. might be to spend some time reflecting on your childhood. It may be that your parent, for whatever reason, didn’t take the time to sufficiently consider the things that were important to you as a child. If this is the case you may be able to use your experiences as a guide to help you become more focused on what’s important to your child/ren.
Too often parents forget or neglect to take the time to fully consider their child’s feelings and this has disastrous consequences for your child’s long term health and wellbeing.
Your child’s self-esteem can easily be undermined as a result of one or both of their parents failure to acknowledge and ant in accordance with their most important needs.
It’s vital that parents develop and maintain appropriate boundaries, in other words no where their wants start and end and their child’s begin.
Positive or high self-esteem and feeling good about yourself are crucial factors in helping you achieve whatever you want to achieve. Just think about it. If you don’t think you can do something, how motivated are you to even try. The lower your self-esteem, the less you actually achieve or even try to achieve.