Category Archives: domestic abuse

The Effects of Fighting In Front Of Children

“Arguments, conflict and fighting are just a normal part of life,” well that’s how some adults who happen to be parents see it. And whilst it is true that conflict and disagreements are a part of life, does it mean that it’s okay to subject your children to it?
Do you remember being a child?
Do you remember seeing the the big people – the people who you looked up and thought highly of – fighting or having loud aggressive arguments?
Hopefully you did not. Or the disturbances you witnessed were rare and short lived!
But if you recall any of those moments, how did you feel?
The likelihood is that you felt frightened, nervous, anxious and confused. They certainly do not leave you with pleasant memories. But as I say, if they are rare you have likely been spared the worst type of harm.
Unfortunately many parents of children today have not been that lucky and as a result neither have their children.
Children who are exposed to arguments, aggression and verbal and physical violence are impacted in a number of ways.
Some children become depressed and go into themselves. Others begin to act out the aggression they witness onto others. Often it affects your child’s physical and emotional development and prevents them from developing to their potential and gaining the most from their education.
But these are some of the short term effects, the longer term ones are more damaging and have longer lasting consequences.
If you have seen a lot of conflict and domestic abuse in your childhood, over a period of time you will have become de-sensitised to it and it will have become a normal feature of your life.
This does not mean in any way that you have not been harmed by it. All it means is that you are past the point of showing, or more to the point , of being aware of the impact it has had on you.
It will manifest itself by the conflict you show to your partner/s and to others and the devastation or destruction that tend to follow people who have seen too much violence in their early and formative years.
What you are really doing unwittingly, when you expose your children to abuse and violence, is giving them the message that it’s okay to be aggressive or violent and it teaches them that this is the way they should be.
Sadly, for the most part when children learn this message throughout their childhood, they tend not to unlearn it when they reach adulthood and more worryingly they see no reason to change their behaviour when they become parents and inevitably pass on their harmful experiences onto those they love.