A Child’s Point of View

Imagine being a little boy or girl aged maybe four or five.
Your life goes along a certain path and you’re pretty much content with it because you don’t know any different. You see your mum and your dad daily and maybe even extended family every once in a while.
Then one day something’s happened you don’t know what but all of a sudden you can’t and don’t see one of your parents anymore.
How do you think you feel about that?
Does it matter to you as a kid that your mum had an affair, or your dad verbally and sometimes physically bullied your mother?
Answer: Not whilst you’re a child no. Those are grown up, adult concerns they don’t concern you as a little boy or a girl.
But what does concern you?
What hurts so much that you try to cut it out of your thoughts because it causes you so much pain?
Well…it’s when you miss your mum or your dad so bad because there was a secret, invisible bond between you…that meant the world to you. And as a young child, not knowing any different you thought it would always be there, but now your bond is being broken hour by hour, day by day and there’s nothing you can do about it because you’re just a kid.
In no time at all you begin to believe that your missing parent never loved you. Because if they loved you how could they ever leave you. You begin to think that no matter what anyone else says, that the fact is that you’re not lovable.
How could you be? If you were that parent who you loved would still be with you day and night.
It’s really easy for the parent you live with to turn you against the other parent and if they have no scruples, if they care only really about themselves they will do so.
But if they really care about you they’ll make every effort to allow you to have a relationship with the other parent. And that missing parent if they really care about you will make every effort to remain in your life as best they can.
Do you know why?
Because no matter who you are, you need to know who your parents are. To grow up not knowing who one of your parent’s is or was leaves a hole in you.
You might say you can’t miss what you never had but try telling that to your child who sees his friend’s parents daily taking them to and from school.
Even as a little tiny child, you desperately want a great relationship with your mum or dad, whoever your most attached to. And though you don’t know it consciously as a child, your greatest fear is that you’ll be abandoned.
This is the stuff that breaks little girl’s and boys and follows them around throughout their adult lives destroying their relationships, holding them in a grip that rarely ever leaves them, like mum or dad did.
The problem with adults…well one of them at least is that we forget what it’s like to be a little child and see things from their viewpoint.

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